This morning (1st January 2012) I had another crazy idea.

How can you invest R100 and donate R100 000 or even $100 000 to charity –without it costing you more than R100?

Do you think it is possible and how will you go about, to do it?

I think I can do it - Would you like to part of the process?

When we were children, my best friend Gabriel and I always played betting games - Always for a liter of Coke.

Far too many of us fall prey to the idea that by helping others first we will be able to make the world a better place, however the reality of the matter is that for you to be able to do the greatest good for those around you, you first need to make sure that all is well within you.

We have all experienced times which have been tough on us emotionally and more often than not have gone in search of someone we feel will be able to ‘be there for us’, but what about when the tables are turned and you are the one which is being chosen to be the comfort giver?

• Reassure them – When they first approach you, you should be sure to try and uplift them, most of the time someone approaching you for comfort is not looking for your wisdom right away or what you think they should do, but rather simply try to look after their immediate emotional needs, unless they specifically ask for your advice.

• Be the listener – By simply being able to be an effective listener and allowing them to ‘let it all pour out’ is probably one of the most important things which you will need to be able to do to comfort someone in despair. However try not to stop them while they are ‘cleansing’ so as to give advice, rather listen and understand their situation without passing your own judgments or advice at this stage.

• Be a pillar of support – One of the most comforting gestures which you are able to extend to a person who is in despair is that of allowing them to feel and know that your support for them is unconditional and that they are free to speak to you at any time about what they are feeling or the anguish which they are going through and that you will do your very best to stand by them and help them back up.

• Physical comfort – This part of supporting someone in despair is at your own discretion, if you know the person well enough and feel comfortable doing so, there is nothing more reassuring than a friendly and well meant hug, a hug just has a very reassuring way of making people feel better so long as the intent behind the hug is love and kindness.

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Far too many of us fall prey to the idea that by helping others first we will be able to make the world a better place, however the reality of the matter is that for you to be able to do the greatest good for those around you, you first need to make sure that all is well within you.

No matter whom you are or what you do in life, there will always be those who will offer criticism as to what it is you are doing and how you are doing it. It is for this reason that it is vital for us to learn to accept criticism and be able to distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism.

• Categorize the criticism – As we said before, there are two types of criticism, negative and positive, the first thing you will need to do in order to be able to grow from criticism is to learn how to categorize the type of criticism which it is.

• If it is negative criticism choose how to respond – Should you determine that the criticism which you are receiving is negative and holds no truth, how you choose to respond is likely to make all the difference.

• If the criticism is constructive, use it – This is the true opportunity for you to grow through the criticism of others and your ability to recognize constructive criticism is very important to your growth.

• If you are not sure if the criticism was positive or negative – In this situation you will need to ask the person delivering the criticism to elaborate a bit more so that you can fully understand what it is that they are saying so as to make your decision as to determine how you will handle it.

Many people let their comfort zone impede their progression and success, say for instance I was to suggest that I would be willing to pay you U$1,500.00 to address a large audience and make a speech to them, as was my case a good couple of years back, the thought of this might make you recoil and become afraid even if there was a promise of substantial financial reward.

• Mindset, mindset, mindset! – Have you ever considered what influence your mindset has on the way in which you lead your life and the results which you achieve?

• Learn to be the master of your subconscious – If you really want to be able to expand and grow your comfort zone so as to become the best that you can be, you will need to learn how to stop being under the control of your subconscious mind which governs the boundaries of your comfort zone and regain control so as to be able to once again be in control and tell your subconscious exactly what it is which you want to achieve as it is the vehicle which creates the manifestation of your goals and dreams to take place in the material world.

• Take risks but be sure they are calculated risks – You will truly need to learn how to make calculated risks and take them, I always say that if I can put a risk through the Formula for Riches and get positive results without manipulating the formula emotionally, then it is a risk which is calculated and worth taking, this applies not only to finances, but to every aspect of your life. As all of my students know, I see wealth not only in financial terms, but rather as all round well being and this is why the Formula for Riches^®  is applicable to any and every situation which you are faced with in life.

• Get out of your box – The final but most important step is to actually get out of your box which society, the media, your upbringing and other external factors have created for you by telling you to follow the herd and begin to explore the outer limits and beyond of your comfort zone. Don’t simply know how to get out of the box because you have read about it but become an action taker and actually practically apply the knowledge which you have spent so much time acquiring. There is a vast difference in the results you achieve when you simply read and learn and when you become an action taker and decide to read, learn and apply what you have learned.

We are all on this earth to make our experience which we have the most fruitful and productive experience which we can have and it is for this reason that the saying “You need to give so as to be able to receive is so true. Many people may not fully understand the meaning of this and see it as, that if you give money, you will receive money, but this is not what it is all about.

Conflict is an inevitable part of life, but often the way you choose to handle it will have a major effect on the results which you achieve. At the heart of resolving any form of conflict is effective communication, now effective communication may be easy for some but very often it proves to be very difficult for others.

• Focus and remain calm – The first thing of utmost importance when faced with any conflict situation is to remain calm and not let your emotions get the better of you. Even though a lot of people allow their emotions to control the way by which they handle a conflict situation, does not mean that you have to follow blindly, rather put in the effort to keep your composure as this will save you the regret of having to worry about what you said later. Remember the calmer you are the less volatile the situation is likely to become.

• Freedom of speech – Be sure to allow all the involved parties to have their say, but try to keep it in an orderly fashion. Make sure everybody concerned gets their turn to express their views without the interference from the other parties, by doing this you will be able to gain perspective of each party’s opinion in an orderly fashion. Make sure that all parties express their views and that you all can take a look at the cause of the conflict and try to work together to reach a solution.

• Be aware that we are not all of the same opinion – Just as we are all individuals, so are our opinions very often unique. Try to keep this in mind and try to stand back and understand the opinion of others before you simply write it off as wrong. Take some time to try to understand where the other parties are coming from before you simply enforce “My way or the highway” type strategies. By doing this you will often defuse a great amount of the potential pressure which a conflict situation possesses.

• The key = communication – If you find you are regularly in conflict situations, then chances are that you need to improve on your communication skills. Not only the skill of representing your opinion but also your listening skills. Once you take the time to do this, you will find that many of the conflict situations which you experience could actually easily have been avoided.

• Accept mistakes – Most conflict situations are as a result of somebody having made a mistake, but most of the time it is in our human nature to try and deny our mistakes. By simply accepting that a mistake might have been made unintentionally from the beginning and taking responsibility for your actions, many conflict situations could have been avoided.

• Work towards a solution – Far too often people tend to focus on the energy of the conflict itself and actually forget to do one of the most important things which is focusing on a way to resolve the conflict which is as beneficial as possible to all of the involved party’s. The minute you are able to determine the source of the conflict begin to move the focus to ways by which it can be resolved and in a way which is in the best interest of all involved.

• Learn and move on – This is probably one of the most important tips which you can get when it comes to conflict situations. To truly be the winner in a conflict situation you need to be able to learn from the experience and take with you that which is beneficial, all the rest of the negative aspects you will need to learn to leave behind as by letting negative aspects of conflict such as grudges and ill feeling accompany you as you leave will only have negative effects on your life and state of mind.

We have all experienced times which have been tough on us emotionally and more often than not have gone in search of someone we feel will be able to ‘be there for us’, but what about when the tables are turned and you are the one which is being chosen to be the comfort giver?

• Reassure them – When they first approach you, you should be sure to try and uplift them, most of the time someone approaching you for comfort is not looking for your wisdom right away or what you think they should do, but rather simply try to look after their immediate emotional needs, unless they specifically ask for your advice.
   
• Be the listener – By simply being able to be an effective listener and allowing them to ‘let it all pour out’ is probably one of the most important things which you will need to be able to do to comfort someone in despair. However try not to stop them while they are ‘cleansing’ so as to give advice, rather listen and understand their situation without passing your own judgments or advice at this stage.
   
• Be a pillar of support – One of the most comforting gestures which you are able to extend to a person who is in despair is that of allowing them to feel and know that your support for them is unconditional and that they are free to speak to you at any time about what they are feeling or the anguish which they are going through and that you will do your very best to stand by them and help them back up.
   
• Physical comfort – This part of supporting someone in despair is at your own discretion, if you know the person well enough and feel comfortable doing so, there is nothing more reassuring than a friendly and well meant hug, a hug just has a very reassuring way of making people feel better so long as the intent behind the hug is love and kindness.
   
• Empathy – Rather than sympathy, offer this person empathy as this will enable you to do your best to understand the situation they find themselves in and empathize with it rather than simply offering sympathy.